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. I mean, I know it wasn't your fault or anything, but I do feel badly for your loss." Thank you. I'm dealing with it the best I can."As we walked, we discussed all sort of things. He was a senior at the U and really didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. Feeling maternal, I tried to explain to him that the degree was more like a key to life. As things went on, there might come a time when he would be up for a promotion, or was interviewing for a job and a degree was necessary. Eventually I asked him how old he was and he told me he was going to be 23 in a couple of months. I know that I blushed. Here I was, almost twice his age and flirting with him ... I should have been ashamed. But, for some reason, I wasn't. I just walked with AC and enjoyed our talk.All too soon, we found ourselves at my car and our walk came to an end. He extended his hand and with a smile, said, "Thanks. I really enjoyed our walk. I don't mean to seem forward, but you are a very beautiful woman."Now I. .. I need you, please." My voice was wobbling all over the place, tears running down my face.Somewhere deep inside, the thought of Margaret had made a small spark of my near extinct survival instinct flare, some inner vision of myself sliding into a new and even more lethal addiction shocked me enough to react."Tomorrow afternoon, 4.30pm." She said brusquely, and rang off before I could tell her that I needed to talk to her immediately more than I wanted her to use me tomorrow.Ben had gone; I was more alone than ever, with the knowledge that morphine was just too wonderfully comforting, and I didn't think I'd be able to resist its lure for long. I'd thrown up after the first jack, but even that didn't matter. For a timeless flight of hours, I was happy, benign, calm and friendly. Nothing mattered. I felt content; I dreamed vivid poppy-dreams. With Ben's connections and the money ever ready at my disposal, it would be so very easy to get more, to insulate myself forever against real.
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